What I Learned When I Shopped 30 Senior Living Communities in 30 Days 

By a mystery shopper with a mother in mind … and a notepad in hand. 

Over the course of one intense month, I posed as a concerned family member calling senior living communities across six states. Some of these calls were lightning-quick callbacks with warm, insightful conversations. Others… well, let’s just say my voicemail inbox and patience were tested. 

Here is what I learned: the good, the average, and the just plain disappointing, from 30 senior living sales calls in 30 days. 

The Good: When Sales Calls Felt Like Support, Not Sales 

Across a handful of communities, I encountered professionals who made me feel seen, heard, and respected. What did they do right? 

1. Quick, Human Responses 
   Some salespeople reached out within minutes of my inquiry, not just with a templated email, but with a text, a voicemail, and then a real live call. One community even got back to me in under a minute. 

2. They Asked About Her 
   The strongest calls were the ones where I did not feel like just a lead. Reps used my mother’s name, asked how she was doing, and wanted to know about our family dynamic. “What’s her personality like?” and “What would make her feel at home?” are golden questions… and too few asked them.

   One standout even shared personal stories about her grandmother’s dementia, gently guiding the conversation toward real solutions without pushing an agenda.

3. They Did not Just Sell, They Advised 
   In the best experiences, the reps were not just pitching their community; they helped me evaluate what made sense for our situation. One suggested a sister community with higher care levels when she realized my mother might need more support down the road. That kind of honesty builds trust. 

The Average: Informative but Impersonal 

A large portion of the shops fell into what I call the “Well, that was fine?” category. 

1. Data Dumps Galore 
   You would be surprised how many calls turned into unbroken monologues about amenities, square footage, and how long they had been in the business, without asking a single question about my mother.

   Sure, I got information. But it felt like reading a brochure over the phone. Warm tone? Sometimes. Actual discovery or emotional connection? Rare.

2. They did not ask her name. 
   You would think asking about the person you are supposedly helping would be standard. But in many cases, the rep did not ask for my mom’s name until the end, or at all.

   It left me wondering: if you do not care enough to ask, why should I trust you with her care?

3. Follow-Up? Hit or Miss 
   Some sent thoughtful follow-up emails with floor plans and brochures. Others ghosted me completely after promising a call back. One had multiple spelling errors in their emails, including my name. It is the little things that matter, and inconsistency here made me question their overall professionalism. 

The Poor: When Salespeople Miss the Whole Point 

A few calls stood out for all the wrong reasons. 

1. It Took 16 Tries to Get a Call Back 
   That is not an exaggeration. One community did not answer or respond after sixteen separate contact attempts. When someone finally did answer, it felt like I was inconveniencing them with no warmth, no curiosity, and zero ownership for the communication breakdown. 

2. Emotionally Flat, Factually Dense 
   One rep was so focused on reciting entrance fee refund policies and monthly costs that I felt like I was on a call with a spreadsheet. While the numbers were accurate, the human connection was missing, and not a single question was asked about whether that model made sense for my mom. 

3. Selling From the Script, Not the Heart
   In several calls, the salespeople clearly knew the building but not the people they were trying to serve. It is one thing to explain a memory care neighborhood’s security features. It is another to do so while acknowledging the emotional toll a family faces when choosing that level of care.

   Without the latter, it is just selling bricks and mortar.

Final Takeaways: What Every Senior Living Sales Team Should Know 

1. Personalization is not optional.  
   Use the prospect’s name, ask open-ended questions, and adapt your tone to the situation. Not everyone is calling ready to tour — but they are ready to talk. 

2. Discovery builds trust.  
   It is not enough to know a caller’s mom is 85. You need to know what she loves, what worries her, and what she would miss if she left her home. 

3. Follow-up is your handshake.  
   Whether you send a brochure, a personalized email, or a kind voicemail, it should feel like an advancement, not a form letter. 

4. Being informative is different from being helpful.  
   Do not just give facts. Offer guidance. Help families navigate, even if it means recommending a different community. 

The Bottom Line 

Selling senior living is not about inventory and occupancy rates. It is about moments of reassurance, connection, and trust. In 30 days, I saw glimmers of brilliance, and more than a few missed opportunities. If you are in senior living sales, here is my plea: bring the heart. Because every call is a family trying to do the right thing. Make sure they feel that from “hello” to “hope to meet you soon.”